When my children were small, I attended a parenting class at Hobson Preschool in Naperville, Illinois where we were living at the time. One comment that stayed in my mind was this.  “Sometimes we are kinder to a stranger than we are to our own family.”   Why is this I wonder?   Why are we harder on our children or family members than we are toward a guest in our house?   Do we have certain expectations because they are “ours?”   Do we think we need to correct them to help them become their best selves?   The way we teach them is  important, without belittling them, with encouragement. They are people just trying to grow in a difficult world. Young children need correction and direction of course, but without crushing their spirits and disrespecting who they are.

Don’t try to conform them into your little box and way of thinking.  Show respect as you wish to be respected.  All situations are different, of course.   We don’t want to raise spoiled entitled children.   We want to teach them respect and independence.  But I feel It doesn’t have to be done in a dictatorship or tyrant fashion.  We shouldn’t be more worried about what other people think or what society demands of us than we are of our children’s feelings.

There have been times I have seen adults being impatient with their young child, let’s say a 6 year old.  This little person has only been on this earth for 6 years!  They are trying to learn how to do life!  I made many mistakes as a young mom, so I’m not saying I always got it right! But I wish I hadn’t cared so much about what other people thought and cared more about what my children would feel.  Who cares if they want to wear their princess dress to church! They aren’t hurting anyone!  Or if they have a melt down in the middle of the grocery store.  Other people’s judgement is not as important as your child’s mental health.

My youngest daughter recommended a book called “The Mastery of Love” by Don Miguel Ruiz.  It is so interesting how it points out the toxic things we as parents can do to make sure our children fit what society demands.  I would recommend this book to any one planning to have children!

If a child feels that something that happened is important and a big deal, you can’t tell them to stop worrying about it.  That they shouldn’t feel that way.  And you saying they shouldn’t have those feelings doesn’t make them stop feeling that way.  You never know if this could be a pivotal point for them.

When I was 13 years old, I had one of those events in my life.  I went to a private school through 8th grade.  I was a cheerleader for our basketball team and had been dancing since I was a little girl.  So when I transferred to the public school for 9th grade, I thought I had a really good chance to make the cheer squad.  Well I had my first lesson that “who you know” is very important!  The previous year’s squad picked the new girls and needless to say I didn’t make the cut.  I was devastated!  When I told my mom,  she said not to worry about it.  It would be ok.  But instead,  I made some very bad decisions and started hanging out with some bad influences because this event was a big deal to me!  Children’s feelings are real and should not be discounted because we as adults think they are silly.  To them it could be major life changing stuff!

Once your children are adults, respect them enough to allow them to make their own decisions.  Even if they aren’t what we think they should do.  They are on their own journey and need encouragement not criticism.  Sometimes you may think – they will regret this decision. Well that is ok!  It is their decision to regret!  And their opportunity to grow on their own path.  And it may turn out to be the best decision ever and bring them to a great place.  We don’t know, only God knows!

So pray, pray, pray!  I sometimes think that having children is God’s way of bringing us to our knees.  I have spent many an hour on my knees and sometimes on my face asking God to  protect and guide my children!

I certainly made a lot of mistakes!  And I do wish that I would have had more time with my children when they were small.  But in spite of my mistakes, my children turned out to be amazing humans.  Good people with huge hearts, passionate, independent, caring, kind, loving and intelligent.

When I attended that parenting class many years ago at Hobson Preschool, I hoped that my love for my children would help them forgive my mistakes!   Love covers a multitude of sins! Because we really do the best we can with the best intentions.

So I am thankful to say that love does conquer all!  And my relationships with my girls are tight and close, even though I made a lot of mistakes.

We are only human, after all!